i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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