SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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