Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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