the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
