Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
