finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
