the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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