Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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