I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
