i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
