Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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