The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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