Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize