And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
