I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
