North Korea, Best Korea!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
