You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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