remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
