i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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