My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
