I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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