Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
