You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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