Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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