yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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