i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize