Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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