Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
