wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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