we're chasing vodka with high fives
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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