Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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