help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you win again, gameday.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
