How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
