Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
