i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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