were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
