Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This house was built for laser tag.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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