so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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