I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
