The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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