I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
