i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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