my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
