Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
