You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
