At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
