So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
