If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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