You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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