Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
