If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
