I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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