Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
