so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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