If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
