he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
