yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
