He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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