I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
