Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Everything about him screamed your future.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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