wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
A bitchslap is in order.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize