so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize