I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
