I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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