Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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