Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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