I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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