It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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