her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize