that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
