Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
