You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
