If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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