I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize