did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
