Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
