Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
