the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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