the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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