I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
