I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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