I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
