I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
