Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
