I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
