I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
