Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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