no, he came in my armpit
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
