Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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