I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
