Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
