I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
