it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
