She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
