she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
