ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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