And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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